Selfie
by ptw30
Summary: A day in the life tale - Asami gets an unusual call from Akihito.


This was started the day before Akihito's birthday and was supposed to be a quick, humorous story with no angst. …oops.

"**Selfie"**

Riiiiing. Riiiing.

"Asami."

"Ooh. That was menacing, even more so than usual."

"_Akihito_. Are you all right?"

"Been better. Will you stop pissing off the other crime lords? I'm sick and tired of having to take vacation days for abductions. Y'know, one of these times, I'd like to use one for, y'know, vacation."

"You work freelance. You don't have vacation days."

"Oh, shut up and come get me already."

"Are you sure you're all right? You sound tried…weak."

"I'm just mad because I had to save my own ass yet again. [Huff!] Y'know, for being a hotshot crime lord, you have sucky help."

"And if you didn't ditch said help while being an annoying gnat—"

"You expect me to investigate you with your own goons following me? Yeah, like that'll work. Geez…"

"Where are you?"

"…I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? Just look outside and see where you are."

"Trace the phone call and see where I am."

"…Akihito, why can't you look out the window?"

"…"

"_Akihito_."

"It's just a flesh wound, okay? Don't freak out. And I'm not sure how many guys are in this place, and I still need to watch the one I took out. Who knows when he might wake up?"

"Where's the wound?"

"Ooh, you're back to that [Cough!] tone again. Yeah, it's not as menacing when you're not within glaring distance."

"Akihito."

"[Sigh.] Right side of my torso. I'm pretty sure the bullet passed [HUFF!] through. Nothing major is there…besides a kidney, maybe. Liver…spleen…"

"Your spleen is on the opposite side of your body from your—never mind. Can you take a picture of yourself?"

"You mean a selfie?"

"It's a picture of yourself."

"It's a selfie."

"Just do it."

"You want me to take a selfie now? While I'm bleeding my guts out? That's even more twisted than usual for you."

"[exasperated sigh] Of the wound."

[Message sent.]

"That's a papercut, on your middle finger, Akihito. I'll shove _my_ middle finger somewhere so high—"

"Promises. Promises."

"Hold on. I'm calling Kirishima—"

"No!"

"Akihito, I have to get him to—"

"Ryuichi…"

"…"

"…please don't put me on hold."

"All right, but my attention needs to be directed elsewhere for a moment."

"Fiiine, but it better not be towards a leggy—"

CRACK! "[—me your phone! …Yes, I'm serious. Does the gun in your face not look serious enough for you? If you want to live, give me your phone. …Thank you.]"

"…Ryuichi?"

"Yes?"

"Were you speaking…French?"

"Yes. I needed to borrow someone's phone."

"You phone-jack someone?"

"Hm. They still have an iPhone 5."

"Losers."

"You don't even know what one looks like."

"Shut up. I like my phone."

"Samurais like your phone, too, but most of them have already upgraded to the 4s."

"I don't like Siri. She seems like a pretentious bitch."

"I'm texting Kirishima now. Shouldn't be long."

"Another pretentious bitch."

"A pretentious bitch who is going to save your life, so I would be nice to him, maybe even listen to him for once rather than making snide comments."

"Did you just…reprimand me?"

"Since you had to ask, I'll take a more i_physical/i_ approach when we're reunited. Perhaps put you over my knee, spank your tight bottom until it glows."

"Oh, don't get me turned on now. That's all I need, some hoodlum coming in here and seeing me all hot and bothered. Yeah, thati _always/i_ goes over well."

"Maybe if you didn't send those vulnerable, needy gazes with those fierce eyes—"

"Stop it. [Huff!] You're the bastard who interprets everything as a come-on."

"And you parading around the apartment in shorts and a tank top isn't a come-on?"

"My shorts are just—"

"_Very_ short."

"..yeah, okay. You got me there. [Gasp!] Where are you, anyway?"

"In Ile del la Cité."

"W-Where?"

"It's a historic section of Paris. Don't worry. I took a few pictures for you to scold me on lighting and technique."

"Send me a selfie."

"No."

"C-Come on! [Gasp!] I sent you one."

[Message received.]

"Ew! That's a picture…of me? Where the fuck did you [Cough! Spit!]…ugh, get this?"

"You were too busy to notice during one of our more…exploratory sessions. It's actually part of a video. Quite a few lovely noises you made. I hope to duplicate them when I get home."

"Pervert. Y'know, you don't have to [Cough!] come back on my account."

"I was scheduled to be home tonight anyway."

"And I told you it was unnecessary. Takato and Kou want to take me to Disneyland tomorrow."

"With a bullet wound."

"I'm a fast healer."

"I had planned on giving you your present tomorrow."

"Really! What is it?"

"A brand-new camera case with leather straps that unhook on each end, perfect for when we travel. I can restrain you anywhere."

"…I don't know if you're kidding or not."

"You're sitting on the floor only God knows where, painting the tiles a lovely red shade of crimson, I'm sure, and you don't know if I'm teasing you about restrains."

"There aren't tiles here, okay? There's a carpet, beige, [Gasp!] too. This stain is never going to come out."

"What does the room look like?"

"It's an office, pretty fancy, too. Clear table, black office chairs that [HACK!] bend back far enough for me to wiggle out of the restraints. Blinds, though, so I couldn't see out the window. Some awards on the wall."

"Can you read the awards? What are they for?"

"The pictures are just dreadful. Obvious prints, and the lightning on the one with the generic Eiffel Tower. I mean, [Wheeze!] who hasn't taken a picture like that? [Cough!] I'd take a picture better than—"

"Akihito, focus. What are the awards for? Can you read them? Or take a picture of them…"

"This office is almost as good as [Cough!] yours. Not quite but it's definitely classy. Hey, why is it so freakin' [Cough!] cold in here? Did you get me a sweatshirt for my birthday?"

"[Sigh.] Yes, because my modus operandi is put _more_ clothes on you."

"Are you saying your modus operandi is to have me naked?"

"All the time, if possible."

"You run a multibillion company."

"Do you have a point, Akihito?"

"Shouldn't your modus operandi…I don't know….[Cough! Cough! Wheeze!] revolve around that?"

"Not when I have the image of your flushed body underneath mine, your lips parted and shimmering as you can do nothing else but gasp my name."

"Isn't that what we call 'Friday'?"

"It was Monday last week. I was away on Friday."

"…that wasn't you on Friday?"

"…"

"It was a joke, Ryuichi. [Cough!] I know you weren't home on Thursday."

"_Friday_."

"…Hey! What the—give me back my phone, you little punk!"

"Akihito!"

"BANG! BANG! BANG!—…Well, he won't be able to walk for a while. Damn, why does it have to be so cold?"

"Akihito, what happened?"

"Dude woke up. [Gasp!] I taught him not to."

"—don't care if you steal one from that employee! Get one for me now!"

"Get you what?"

"I was talking to Suoh. I heard from Kirishima. ETA is five minutes."

"Ryuichi…"

"Is there a sweatshirt, a jacket you can reach? Something to put over you."

"[Huff!] Ryuichi…"

"Also, you'll need to press down on the wound, so—"

"The bullet hole. It'll leave a scar, and it's right where…you like to tuck your face…and lap up with—"

"It's just reinforces that you are _mine_. [BANG! Rumble…]"

"Ryuichi…[Gasp!]...aren't you getting tired of this? Having to save me all the time? Aren't you ready to find someone who'll sit at home, make you some babies, and—"

"—bore me into impotence? Akihito, do you know what I did all day?"

"[Huff!] Stare at naked pictures of me on your phone?"

"Other than that, though that did take up some of my day."

"Try to..[Cough! Cough! Spit!]…take over the world?"

"Sign reports. Being a crime lord isn't what it used to be with all the extortion and assault. It's gone corporate. I need a little…spice in my life, maybe a dash of sweet. Definitely spunk."

"[Gasp!] So I'm your freakin' [cough!] distraction from your mundane, criminal life."

"Kirishima calls you a 'necessary distraction.'"

"Huh. I might have to take back the pretentious bitch [Cough! Cough!] comment."

"It is easy to love your friend, but sometimes the hardest lesson to learn is to love your enemy."

"…you take romance advice [Gasp!] from Sun Tzu?"

"It's more effective the advice columns."

"So we're [Cough!] enemies?"

"SCREEECH! …are we, Akihito? Is an investigative reporter and someone in my stature enemies?"

"…a-arch nemeses."

"Then I guess it's safe to say I defeated you, or at least I will when you see your present."

"…w-what'd you get me for [Huff!] m-my birthday?"

"Akihito, what's wrong?"

"Ryuichi…[Huff!]…y'know, I wanted that [Gasp!] lens, from that s-shop down in Shibuya. It sparkled in the light, like your desk after I shine it [Huff!] with m-my ass."

"ETA two minutes."

"Mom and Pop went to [HACK!] Europe..."

"…"

"[Huff!] I wanted to go, but I stayed wit' my grandma."

"Where in Europe would you like to go?"

"[Cough!]Help her wit' her dog. Worked at the iz cream [Gasp!] shop. You remember the iz cream shop? [Spit!] You sent that girl wit' ta big boobies there."

"Karin."

"Smelled good. [Huff!] Not as good as you but a flourly mix."

"Flowery?"

"You smell [Gasp!] sweet and sour."

"Sweet and sour? [SLAM!]"

"Like fresh rain 'n' lime [gasp!] with the sweet stench of nick-o-tine [Cough!]. I sniff your cigarettes when yer gone."

"…I'll buy new cigarettes when I get home."

"…Asami…?"

"'Ryuichi,' Akihito. You call me 'Ryuichi.'"

"What'd [huff!] buy me for ma birthed-day?"

"[BANG! BANG! BANG!]…I brought you the new iPhone 5c."

"Blue?"

"Blue. …I promptly had to fire Kirishima, of course.—Don't give me that look, Kirishima.—He told me there were no differences between the 5c and the 5s, but then I found out the 5s offers duel-flash for truer-to-life colors, and the burst mode captures up to 10 photos per second."

"[Cough!]"

"That was only the third time I fired him this month, so it must be a slow month."

"[HACK!]"

"Of course, it is only the fourth…"

"[Huff! Huff! Huff!]"

"Akihito?"

"[Cough! Hack! Spit!] …_yeah_?"

"…You smell like chemicals, nitrate, used in developing photographs, and cheap beer, and sometimes, after you take a shower, the faint scent of mint and tea lingers on your skin, like my shampoo you always steal but deny using."

"[Cough!]"

"Akihito…?"

"[Huff!]…_y-yeah_? [THUNK!]"

[Message sent.]

"Akihito…what is this…? That looks like your…just hold on. …Akihito?"

"…"

"AKIHITO! [BANG!]…you'll love Europe. I'll take you through the winding streets of Paris. You'll feast on crepes between shots of the Eiffel Tower and historic buildings. I'll take you on a gondola tour in Venice. We'll sail underneath the Bridge of Sighs. You'll spit out the tea, but you'll devour London's biscuits. Everything is yours, Akihito. Just stay."

"[faint]…Ryu…?"

"Stay."

"…Ryu…? It's so cold…"

[Message received.]

"I'm already there, Akihito. Don't you dare go."

* * *

A simple shot, and Asami kicked open the wooden door, the lock giving way. Three shot sunk into thick flesh behind him, Kirishima and Suoh providing substantial protection. A crimson river flowed from the heaving body across the room, tucked into a corner with its legs out in front like a limp doll, head tipped back with narrowed slits hardly recognizing him. The phone lay forgotten in his fallen hand. A leather jacket, clamped tightly over Akihito's stomach, failed as an effective dam, and Asami was there in a moment's time, hand swiping across the clammy cheek, head dipping to press a chaste kiss to the pillowed lips.

"I'm here now, Akihito. All will be fine."

"How—How'd you…hiss!" Akihito grunted when Asami pressed down upon the wound.

"You're in France, Akihito. Someone saved me the expense of flying you out here."

"I-I won…" Akihito murmured, energy all but depleted.

Asami kept his face calm, his eyes soft, even though there was so much blood. "How so?"

Akihito made a miserable grunt when he pressed down on the wound but motioned to the fallen phone. "You sent me a selfie…[Cough]"

Asami allowed the warm smile only Akihito could elicit to find his lips. "Oh, we're going to take many more."

"Ryuichi!" Akihito's light giggles—and Asami could only categorize them as giggles—flittered up to Asami's ears, a pleasant sound to cherish. Asami, himself, held the phone outward and tapped the button, granting the image posterity. It was a marvelous picture with Akihito tugged haphazardly upon Asami's lap, his surprised smile denting his cheeks as he half-glared, half-laughed at Asami, who wore his own gentle grin.

Asami made a note to have this printed and placed upon his desk, close to his heart. After a moment, Akihito struggled to get into a comfortable position lap and places his elbows upon the railing. He gawked. "Wow…it's so beautiful up here."

The sky exploded in fury of colors over Belle's Castle, and from their seat at the outdoor bistro, even Asami agreed, though for a different reason than Akihito's. Though the heat was almost oppressive on the lovely summer evening, Asami wrapped an arm around the boy's waist and drew him close.

FLASH!

"Ryuichi. stop that!"

"I'm the object of your viewfinder, but you won't allow me the courtesy."

Akihito's fierce glare burned over his shoulder, but when the hazel eyes brightened from their usual stormy nature, Asami knew he was slipping. Some of his lingering concern over the boy's rapidly healing injuries slipped into his gaze, but it was all Akihito's fault. The boy had found himself mere minutes from death's icy grasp, and Asami wouldn't deny himself the harmless but tangible proof that his vibrant and precious Akihito still lived.

Akihito sighed and turned back toward the vibrant sky display. "Are you going to be taking selfies of us all through Europe?"

Yes. "Perhaps."

"Y'know, I still haven't forgiven you."

"Oh?" Asami's eyebrow raised.

Akihito snorted. "Yeah, you told me to stay, like I'm your cat. You deserved to be punished for that."

Asami wouldn't deny the sensual stirrings in his groin. "Oh? And what sort of punishment did you have in mind?"

Akihito swiveled on the lap until his legs wrapped lightly about Asami's waist, and his soft lips tasted warm and inviting. "I'm not sure yet, but it will be one of our more…exploratory sessions. Oh, and one thing is a definite." He lifted his own professional camera and with his lips brushing Asami's, somehow managed the perfect selfie of them embracing.

"I'll take all the pictures."

The End


End file.
